This Ghost is not a Friendly One

When is it ok to ghost a professional contact? Never. It’s never ok. Ghosting is a relatively new colloquial term used to describe the practice of ceasing all communication and contact with a partner, friend, or individual without any apparent warning or justification and subsequently ignoring any attempts to reach out or communicate made by said partner, friend, or individual.

What Goes Around May Come Around

The bizarre trend of ghosting prospective employers is a crazy concept, but the stats are growing daily of people who accept a job and then just don’t show up the first day. Or get a job offer and never reply. Or employers that seem interested in a candidate and then just disappear.  How can the ghoster be sure they will never come in contact with the company or person again? This trend started in the dating scene and has bled over into general business practice. 

I don’t care how busy we are, or how disinterested in whatever someone reached out to us about. If someone we are acquainted with through business reaches out to us, respond. I’m not talking about spam or email blast communication. I am talking about emails or texts sent directly to a person that were specifically written for that person, particularly if they are in response to ongoing discussions. Even if it is a one line response; have the courtesy to respond.

Positional Power

I benefited from what’s known as positional power for many years. Positional power is the authority you wield by virtue of your position in the organization’s structure and hierarchy. As an executive in two different very large real estate firms for many years, people would respond to me when I reached out to them. I like to think it was because they liked me or respected me, but I suspect it was mostly because they needed me or might need me or something I had to offer in the future.

I always prided myself of being responsive and I had a very responsive staff. They knew to make sure they were always responsive to people reaching out to them. After all, it makes good business sense. The leadership and branch managers I worked with were responsive, they knew I may have a referral for them or may be calling to fix a problem they had. Outside of the company, people were responsive to me. It may have just been the promise of business from my organization. I never really thought that I actually had positional power, until I lost it.

When I was laid off and had lost that positional power, I came to a harsh realization. People can be really rude in business if we can’t do something for them. I think sometimes it may not be intentional, it’s just not that important to them or we might get lost in the shuffle of a million emails or they don’t know how to say ‘no’ or ‘go away’.

I had observed this from afar for years while watching people who managed corporate relocation programs attempt to transition into the service sector of relocation. What a rude awakening for them to transition from the belle of the ball to a ‘lowly’ service provider.

But these aren’t relationships generated off of a dating app, we aren’t twenty somethings ghosting each other after a couple of ‘dates’. This is business. The fear of conflict has no place in it.

Just Say ‘No Thanks’

Positional power isn’t ever going to change, it’s here to stay. It is unfortunate that certain people benefit from their position, but wouldn’t it be nice if we treated everyone in our business dealings as if they had positional power? Treat it as if you would be better off from having the communication. You never know, you might be. People understand if you can’t help them or if they aren’t interested in whatever you have reached out to them about. Just say ‘no thanks’, then everyone can move on without that hollow feeling of being ghosted.

“Someone disappearing on you doesn’t reflect your worth. It reflects their fear of being ‘seen’.” ~ Unknown