Say Thank You Again and Again

I was recently going through an old box that was in the attic that said ‘work’ on it. What was in there was a treasure trove of my history in this industry. Articles I had written or been quoted in and awards and acknowledgements we received as a department, along with conference booklets listing panels I had been on or moderated from years ago. Lots of fun stuff that no one cares about but me. But it made me recall all of the wonderful friendships I have made along the way and still have to this day. I spent the day taking pics of things and sending them to my friends who were along for the ride. We all got a good giggle at the size of our hair and the width of our shoulder pads.

There was one thing that really struck me as I went through it. I had retained so many notes of encouragement or congratulations from former bosses, or my bosses’ bosses, industry leaders and peers, coworkers and employees. There had to be over 50 of them. What I noticed is very early in my career at Jon Douglas Company, the leadership was generous with their praise. I thought that was the way it was everywhere. Then when we were bought by NRT in 1996, the local praise continued as did that from the national leadership for years. While I always had supportive leadership at the local level all the way until we were laid off in 2017, the national acknowledgement dried up over time. It was few and far between when I or my department got any kudos. It didn’t matter what we did, it never seemed to be enough and the culture had shifted.

If you can’t say something nice, still say something nice

I remember a handwritten note in a holiday card from the then top man in NJ that basically said ‘better luck next year’ on meeting some unrealistic outgoing referral goal. What wasn’t mentioned was how we had increased revenue and unit closings and made millions of dollars in profit. I was shocked at how he had taken the time to write something that clearly was not supportive in any way, but was basically a veiled scolding for not being compliant. I was a regular at pushing back on things I thought were unimportant or unrealistic, so I should not have been surprised. I guess feedback is feedback.

To me, it was worth keeping those notes and emails all of those years (even that one). Did I retain them to feed my ego? I like to think since it was early in my career, it was giving me validation from people who knew what they were doing, while I felt like I was winging it.

Why we have to make a conscious effort

I was not always great at giving a lot of positive feedback to my staff. I got better over time as I made a conscious effort to tell them (not just think it) when they stepped up and worked hard or deserved any sort of acknowledgement. Should I have done more? Absolutely.

But one handwritten note scrawled on a notepad that I retained stood out. It was from an unpaid college intern we had. She was awesome. She worked for us around 1995. Here is what it said:

“Teresa, thank you for the little note. It really gave me a good feeling for the rest of the day. You didn’t have to do it, but I am glad you did. Thanks. Hyunah”

I don’t know what my note said, but the unintended consequence is that she ended up making me feel better than I made her feel. I should try and find Hyunah and let her know that she was already exhibiting her leadership skills by the way she wrote that note all those years ago.

How can you make a difference in someone’s life?

One of my many new year resolutions is to say thank you more to those that have helped me along the way and to those who I continue to learn from each day. Especially those who have mentored me when they didn’t even know they were doing it. We never know when someone is struggling or having a hard go of it. And one small act of kindness may make a huge difference in their lives. It might give them just the push they need.

So consider this a thank you for taking the time out of your day to read my blog and give me encouragement when I needed it most. Now keep spreading the love. Happy new year!

“Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.” ~Samuel Langhorne Clemens, known by his pen name Mark Twain, was an American writer, humorist, entrepreneur, publisher, and lecturer.