It's OK to Grieve

Here’s how Wikipedia defines grief:

‘Grief is the response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or something that has died, to which a bond or affection was formed. Although conventionally focused on the emotional response to loss, it also has physical, cognitive, behavioral, social, cultural, spiritual and philosophical dimensions. While the terms are often used interchangeably, bereavement refers to the state of loss, and grief is the reaction to that loss. The grief associated with death is familiar to most people, but individuals grieve in connection with a variety of losses throughout their lives, such as unemployment, ill health or the end of a relationship. Loss can be categorized as either physical or abstract, the physical loss being related to something that the individual can touch or measure, such as losing a spouse through death, while other types of loss are abstract, and relate to aspects of a person's social interactions.’

During these unprecedented times, we may be feeling emotions that we have never felt before. It is most likely grief, with a lot of anxiety and fear heaped on top. I don’t mean to belittle the magnitude of grief that comes from losing a loved one, but grief manifests itself in many forms, and we shouldn’t ignore the feelings we are having right now. It may be the loss of a routine or a job. My husband was furloughed without pay two weeks ago, he is worried and sad along with millions of others in the same situation.

Think about the high school and college seniors who are missing out on all of their senior year activities. All of the athletes and performers who can’t participate in games, events and shows that they have been preparing for and looking forward to for years. The elderly who can’t get a hug from their relatives. There are too many losses to even begin to list.

My daughter is grieving the loss of her college routine, not seeing her friends and the events she is missing out on. She won’t be able to participate in her hands on crime scene lab, and that makes her sad. She won’t be able to say goodbye to her senior friends who won’t be back next year. When I told her that everyone is missing out on things, she appropriately shot back that it didn’t make her feel any better. She’s right, we all should grieve our losses, big and small, in our own way if it helps our mental health. It is OK for us to grieve the most trivial of events right now if it ultimately helps us make peace with the loss.

But when this is all behind us, we need to find a way to celebrate the lost events. It may be a year from now and it may not have the same meaning or impact, but at least it will be acknowledged that a lot of hard work wasn’t for nothing.

It’s alright for us focus on our own losses, while respecting the fact that people feel loss for a wide variety of things. But by enduring these losses and inconveniences, we are saving lives. Our collective grief is no match for those who are suffering with the illness or have lost family and friends. If our sacrifices can prevent the loss of life and curb the illness, then it will have been worth it, so we are avoiding the greatest grief of all.

“It’ll be OK……just not today.” — Anonymous