Be Interested to Be More Interesting

We’d all like to be more interesting. Interesting isn’t a personality type; it’s a way of seeing the world and then being perceived by others. It’s about creating a strategy when we engage with people to achieve our desired benefits. I recently read an article from 1000watt that explores just this topic. Russell Davies shares more in this excerpt from Do Interesting.

“The way to be interesting is to be interested. You’ve got to find what’s interesting in everything, you’ve got to be good at noticing things, you’ve got to be good at listening. If you find people (and things) interesting, they’ll find you interesting.

Interesting people are good at sharing. You can’t be interested in someone who won’t tell you anything. Being good at sharing is not the same as talking and talking and talking. It means you share your ideas, you let people play with them and you’re good at talking about them without having to talk about yourself.

It’s not about making yourself interesting. It’s about making the world interesting. And that means developing skills and habits around ideas, creativity, and communication.”

Ain’t it the truth? One of my biggest pet peeves is that real estate agents and brokers talk too much about themselves. “I’m top 1% or I won this or that award.” Honestly, who cares? Unless that somehow directly benefits me, then save it.

Now, if you tell them what you did for your clients to win that award and build a story arc that involves a real customer, then yes, I’m all ears. It may mean using more words, and real estate marketers seem to want to use fewer words. I get it, people have short attention spans. But if it’s interesting, they will read a novel. If it makes them feel good or shows them how it will benefit them, they will hang on every word. It helps them visualize themselves in the story.

Like all of us, I gravitate to people who I find interesting. We all admire people who are skilled at something, smart or funny. I am drawn to artists, performers, writers, marketers, good salespeople, and out-of-the-box thinkers. I feel like I learn something from them just being in their presence. It’s not like they are trying to teach me anything; they are just interesting by nature based on the choices they have made in their life and the skills they possess. I feel like something may rub off on me. I really admire anyone who can do something I can’t do.

Small talk your way into interesting.

We all need to try to be more interesting. Social media has allowed a picture of our dinner to qualify as noteworthy material. It’s fine, but I will scroll on by unless there is a story behind it. Social media has normalized and, to an extent, glorified the mundane. Mundane may be ok as long as it is relatable.

I love to small talk people. Much to my daughter's horror, I will talk to just about anyone. Since we aren’t in person as much as we used to be, I think many people have become a little more awkward in social settings. Luckily, we have a very welcoming industry comprising a bunch of extroverts, so it is easy to engage with strangers in a business setting.

When I meet a stranger in a business environment, I always ask about their role or their company to break the ice. But where do you go after that? After they answer, they may likely, in turn, ask you about your role or company. That is the pivotal time in the conversation. Right there is where you can drone on about yourself or somehow tie what they just told you about themselves into more conversation about them before they ask about you. For example, after they tell you about their job or company, you comment on where they are located (usually on their badge). It can be that you’ve never been there, or that you have and it’s lovely, or that you had a client there, etc. Eventually, you can tie back in something about what you do into the conversation. But give them attention without it seeming like an inquisition. It all comes down to being self-aware and reading the room. It’s not what we want, it’s about bringing it around to what they want or need.

When it is your time to talk, have an elevator pitch ready that somehow ties what you do back to them. “I help people like you ….” or “My role is to help you achieve ….”. We must convey our message in images we build in people’s minds. Build your message in a way that helps people come along for the ride. Help them visualize how your expertise will make them better at what they do. Can what you do or say to motivate or inspire them in some way? Or just make them think. How can we engage people in a way that takes our ideas and makes them explore their own opportunities? It’s not about us, it’s about them.

Interesting versus Interested.

When my daughter was interviewing for a job, the interviewer talked incessantly, and my daughter asked him questions about the role and the company. My daughter said very little in the interview, and the guy loved her. He asked very few questions. My daughter got him to talk about himself and the company. I assure you, this guy didn’t know one thing about her after their call. But somehow, the guy felt good about it, making him like my daughter. By being interested in the interviewer and the company, the interviewer perceived the interviewee as interesting. There is definitely a difference between interesting and interested.

“Generally, the interested person learns more and tends to be well-liked. And in the long run, it's hard to keep down someone who is well-learned and well-liked," says James Clear, author of Atomic Habits.

That isn't so bad if you come across as interesting by being interested. And therefore, as a by-product, become well-liked. People love to talk about themselves. That’s why being strategic with social media when used for business can be a big winner. Comment when a connection does something great, and even ask them what that award was for if they don’t explain it. Social media is our way of getting validation. So give it when you can, but be authentic. It shows you took the time to read and acknowledge their post, and that shows you are interested, which makes you interesting.

So the next time you find yourself in a setting where you want to make an impression, put the other person in the center of the conversation. Make an impact so they will remember you, not for droning on about yourself but for making them think about why they were actually happy to meet you.

“Notice more – practice paying attention, and everything gets more interesting. Collect more – gather together what you’ve noticed and new ideas pop out. Share more – get good at sharing it all and more magic arrives.” ~ Russell Davies, author and strategist