And the Award Goes to…

The Drama Queen! I have managed a lot of people in my career. And like all of us, I have known a lot of people in my lifetime. There are many types of personalities in the world, but the ones I have no patience for are drama queens (I use this term to represent no specific gender identity because to me it doesn’t matter how they identify, they can still be drama queens). They come in all forms and manifest their behavior in different ways.

Everyone has known someone like that in their life. Drama seems to swirl about them and they manage to suck the most unsuspecting people into their vortex. They have a need for attention and the spotlight. They are people that like to stir things up and are often controlling. They may do it to pit people against each other in an attempt to come out as the hero and be liked. It may reveal itself through gossip, backstabbing, or even bullying.

I decided a long time ago, I would cut drama queens out of my personal life. They are emotionally draining. I will say I do get a kick out of watching their theatrics from afar as long as I am not in the middle of the drama. That’s why The Real Housewives franchise series has an audience. Entertaining, as long as it isn’t us having to deal with them. We can’t normalize this kind of behavior in the workplace, no matter how entertaining.

They drag everyone down with them.

Unfortunately, in business, it is not so easy to deal with these types of people. I have had several employees throughout the years who were massive drama queens. It was always something. Either in their personal life or at work. Those people feed off of issues that they insert themselves in. Or even worse, they actually create the drama. They make a big deal out of small issues, creating conflict along the way.

I have seen them play the victim, when in fact, they are typically the instigator causing the issue. It is very easy as their friend or their superior to get sucked into the drama. That is what they want. It takes time and energy and gets us nowhere.

The worst part about people with this trait is how they affect their coworkers. Often others are dragged into the drama or are the butt of the issue itself. Innocent bystanders. These people typically have poor problem resolution skills so everything becomes a much bigger deal than it is. It is a bad use of time for leaders.

It’s often hard to cut them loose.

I have seen branch offices that have agents who are high producers but are always causing drama. They upset other agents or are always in tangles with their customers. When the manager is finally brave enough to cut them loose, the other agents are so appreciative that it is worth the loss in revenue. That builds loyalty by showing others that we won’t tolerate that kind of behavior. Let them go stir it up somewhere else.

I had an employee years ago who epitomized drama. There was always a myriad of issues that affected how they interacted with their coworkers and delivered their work. It was a constant flow of excuses about why they were late or why they couldn’t do something. It was always about them and the disrespect they showed me and their coworkers by their actions was appalling. I wanted to try and rehabilitate them…it was a waste of time. I spent so much time on this person that was nonproductive. I determined I would never indulge in that kind of behavior again with anyone.

How to squelch the drama.

The first thing we have to do is identify the way they manifest their disruptive behavior. Is it about control or self-promotion or degrading others so they look better? Or do they just like attention? Sometimes as leaders, we should list psychologists in our job description. Once we know what we are dealing with, then we can attempt to manage it. Some of them are good enough employees that they are worth managing into submission. Their drama may only be personal issues and as long as they show up and do their job, we don’t particularly need to hear their personal issues and we need to tell them that.

If their personal drama affects their work, take the necessary steps to explore it without getting sucked into the emotion of it. Sure, it’s sad they have a sick friend or an ailing relative or whatever. Everyone has those issues every now and then. Companies have processes and procedures to deal with those needs. But when it is constant and now it’s their second cousin or a neighbor down the street, and they are inserting themselves in issues that should not affect their work and are definitely not our problem, we have to take action.  

If they are someone who tries to make themselves look better by degrading others, those are the most dangerous kind of people to indulge in. Anyone who wants to climb the ladder for personal advancement by stepping on the bodies of their coworkers is not someone to invest any time on. We must have a candid dialogue with them that uses terms like, “Do you see how what you said or did made your coworker feel?” Sometimes they are not self-aware and we have to point out what seems really obvious. Offer up any performance management tools or guidance your company has available to help. But if the trend continues, don’t continue to spend your valuable time on them, I don’t care how good their work is.

Can we change their behavior?

When we have these people on staff or on our teams we have a couple of choices. Try to change their behavior, ignore it, or get rid of them. But whatever we do, we can’t indulge in drama at work. I’m not saying to be insensitive, but they can smell sensitively on us. And they will take advantage of it. While a trait of a great leader is to have empathy, we can’t be duped. When they stir up issues at work, we have to deprive them of the attention they crave. By ignoring them, issues will often resolve themselves because we aren’t giving them the fuel to ignite them. Starve the issue of the oxygen it needs to grow.

Once they figure out we aren’t going to indulge them they will either dial it up or down. And their coworkers see that we aren’t responding to their perceived or real issue, we are giving the signal that their behavior is unacceptable. The drama can’t materialize if we don’t play a part in it. Don’t engage. Not only does it tell the others not to try it, it tells the instigator that we aren’t having it.

I don’t care if they are a great employee or agent, if their behavior is dragging down others, show them the door. We don’t need to indulge in bad behavior and give legitimacy to that kind of dysfunction. We may think we can’t find a better replacement. I assure you, it is possible. It may take work to retrain or seek out a new person, but it will be worth it to have a team player. By eliminating the problem, we are showing others we hear and support them. I bet each of you can tell a good drama queen story, I’d love to listen to it.

“Drama Queen: Someone who creates their own storms and then cries when it rains.” ~ Unknown